How To Get Over Being Cheated On: A Personal Journey to Healing from Strangers

Finding out that your partner has cheated on you can feel like the world has been pulled out from under your feet. I know because I’ve been there. The mixture of shock, pain, anger, and confusion can be overwhelming, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever be able to trust or love again. But I’m here to tell you that there is a path forward. While the journey isn’t easy, it is possible to heal, grow, and even thrive after infidelity.

This guide isn’t just a collection of generic advice. It’s a roadmap based on personal experience and insights from relationship experts. Whether you’re deciding to stay in the relationship or move on, these steps can help you navigate the turbulent waters of healing from infidelity.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel

The first step in healing is to acknowledge and accept your emotions, no matter how messy or contradictory they may seem.

Stranger 1 Experience: In the days following my discovery of my partner’s infidelity, I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. One moment I was sobbing uncontrollably, the next I was seething with rage, and sometimes I felt numb. I tried to push these feelings away, thinking I needed to be “strong.” But a wise friend told me, “You have to feel it to heal it.”

What Therapist Suggested: Create a safe space for your emotions. This could be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or even designating a specific time each day to let yourself fully experience what you’re feeling. For example, you might set aside 30 minutes each evening to write in a journal, allowing yourself to express everything you’re experiencing without judgment.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

When your world feels like it’s falling apart, taking care of yourself might seem unimportant. But it’s crucial for your healing process.

Stranger 2 Experience: In the aftermath of the betrayal, I neglected myself. I wasn’t eating properly, I wasn’t sleeping well, and I stopped doing the things I enjoyed. It wasn’t until I started prioritizing self-care that I began to feel like myself again.

What Therapist Suggested: Create a self-care routine and stick to it, even when you don’t feel like it. This could include:

– Physical care: Regular exercise (even a daily 15-minute walk can help), eating nutritious meals, and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule.

– Emotional care: Meditation, reading uplifting books, or listening to podcasts about personal growth.

– Social care: Spending time with supportive friends and family, even if it’s just a weekly coffee date or phone call.

3. Seek Professional Help

A therapist or counselor can provide invaluable support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Stranger 3 Experience: Initially, I was hesitant to see a therapist. I thought I should be able to handle this on my own. But talking to a professional gave me tools to process my emotions and helped me gain perspective on my situation.

What Friends Suggested: Look for a therapist who specializes in infidelity or relationship issues. Many now offer online sessions, making it more accessible. If cost is a concern, look into sliding scale options or support groups in your area.

4. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Infidelity can deal a significant blow to your self-esteem. Remember, your partner’s actions are a reflection of them, not you.

Stranger 4 Experience: After the cheating, I found myself constantly questioning my worth. Was I not attractive enough? Not interesting enough? It took time to realize that my partner’s infidelity was about their issues, not my value as a person.

What Friends Suggested: Make a list of your positive qualities and accomplishments. Update it regularly. For example:

– “I’m a loyal friend.”

– “I’m great at my job.”

– “I make amazing lasagna.”

– “I ran a 5K last year.”

Refer to this list when you’re feeling low. Also, set and achieve small goals to rebuild your confidence. It could be as simple as learning a new recipe or taking a class in something you’ve always been interested in.

5. Establish Boundaries

Whether you choose to stay in the relationship or leave, setting clear boundaries is crucial for your healing.

Stranger 5 Experience: I decided to try and work things out with my partner. But I realized I needed to establish clear boundaries to feel safe in the relationship again. This included having access to their phone and social media accounts for a period of time, and them cutting all contact with the person they cheated with.

What Therapist Suggested: Think about what you need to feel secure, whether in this relationship or future ones. Be clear and specific about your boundaries. For example:

– “I need complete honesty about your whereabouts.”

– “I need you to attend couples therapy with me.”

– If you’ve decided to leave: “I need you to respect my decision and give me space to heal.”

6. Practice Forgiveness (But On Your Own Terms)

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment.

Stranger 6 Experience: Forgiveness was the hardest part of my journey. I struggled with the idea that forgiving meant I was okay with what happened. But I eventually realized that forgiveness was for me, not for my partner. It allowed me to release the anger that was holding me back from healing.

What Therapist Suggested: Start small. Try writing a letter expressing your feelings and your intention to forgive (you don’t have to send it). Practice forgiveness meditation, where you repeat phrases like “I release the pain of this betrayal” or “I choose to free myself through forgiveness.”

7. Rediscover Yourself

Use this time to reconnect with who you are outside of the relationship.

Stranger 7 Experience: In the process of healing, I rediscovered old passions I had neglected. I started painting again, something I had given up years ago. It became a form of therapy and helped me reconnect with a part of myself I had forgotten.

What Friends Suggested: Make a list of things you enjoyed before the relationship or things you’ve always wanted to try. Start with one and commit to exploring it. For example:

• Take a cooking class
• Join a hiking group
• Learn a new language
• Volunteer for a cause you care about

8. Be Patient With Yourself

Healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process.

Stranger 8 Experience: I remember feeling frustrated with myself when, months after the infidelity, something would trigger my pain and I’d feel like I was back at square one. I had to learn to be patient with my healing process.

What Friends Suggested: Keep a healing journal. Write down your progress, no matter how small. On tough days, look back at how far you’ve come. Celebrate small victories, like the first day you didn’t cry, or the first time you genuinely laughed again.

Final Words

Getting over being cheated on is a deeply personal journey. There’s no set timeline for healing, and what works for one person may not work for another. The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you are not defined by this experience. You are strong, you are resilient, and you have the capacity to love and trust again. This betrayal is a chapter in your story, not the whole book. With time, self-compassion, and the right support, you can turn this painful experience into an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

The road ahead may seem long and daunting, but take it one step at a time. Trust in your ability to heal. You’ve survived 100% of your worst days so far – you will survive this too. And not just survive, but thrive. Your future self is waiting to thank you for the strength and courage you’re showing right now.

Healing is possible. A fulfilling life after infidelity is possible. And you deserve nothing less. Keep moving forward, one day at a time. You’ve got this.